Before you
came, everything was so quiet, but so wrong. Maybe now it's still wrong, but
everything is quiet and loud, all at the same time. But loud means life, and
life means that I have a beating heart, that I have feelings. I thought they
were dead already... but then you came.
I've come
to the conclusion that I seriously look forward to fuck things up, mess with my
own head. I don't even know why, but every single time things seem to be
working as they should, without rushing up or slowing down, I say or do
something. Just something. And that something ALWAYS fuck things
up.
I'm not
checking my phone today. I'm not reading your texts. Because I know last night
I fucked up. I fucked up your mental image of me, I fucked up the way you used
to think about me, I fucked up my mental health (actually, that's old news) and
my body health (that's old news also since I'm drinking so hard to get you out
of my head). And I did all of that with hundreds of miles and an entire sea
between us... And that's what I do, I fuck things up and then I don't know how
to fix it, because if I did know how to do it, I wouldn't be broken for such a
long time.
But what
you do... God, damn it, you do my world. You fuck my head up, but I think I
love you. You don't even have to try, you already make me happy. I hate your
mixed signals.
You make me
feel sad too, also confused, and angry, and you make me feel pathetic but so
special.
I'm such a
fool. I hate loving you so much.
But I can't
understand how people haven't realized how good you are, how adorable you are
inside and outside. I know you are a beautiful soul trapped in a sad life, but
that makes you even more perfect. How is it that I'm the only one who's falling
for you? How is it that I'm the only one who knows how good your hugs are? I
want all your hugs all the time. I hate that you are so far away.
I hate that
I want you so much. I crave you. You don't even know how much
I desire your body, how much I'm dying to know the taste of your lips and to
feel your skin beneath my hands. My fingers cry for your hair to be tangled in
them. It’s like you’re air and I can’t breathe. I need you here. I want to be
so close to you, kiss you until you moan into my mouth.
I want you to crave me. But I also want you to love me.
Why do you have to be so sad and so beautiful? But we are all gonna die so kiss me anytime soon.
